Tom: I think love is the last battlefield I have left to conquer.

Satan: What do you mean?

Tom: I desire a fulfilling, healthy relationship more than anything else, yet relationships are where I seem to cause myself the most pain.

Satan: Well, maybe it's not really a battlefield.

Tom: I didn't think it was, but apparently that's how I act when I'm in one.

Satan: No wonder you have such a hard time trusting people. What brought this on?

Tom: Kelly and I had our first fight.

Satan: Over...?

Tom: Ah, little shit. I was in a bad mood, she was messin' with me. Nothing big. We both apologized and now I love her all the more.

Satan: You love her more because she apologized?

Tom: Well, um...yes.

Satan: Let me get this straight: you're happy because she conceded defeat?

Tom: Looks like I win again, doesn't it? In your face, bee-yatch!

Satan: Oh christ...