A friend of mine emailed me and some of his friends that I know an article from Rolling Stone that ranked Hendrix as the greatest guitarist ever. I responded back "Well at least Clapton didn't win" because I don't care for Eric Clapton (he got 2nd place) and I think he's overrated, especially when compared to guys like Hendrix, Townsend, Page, Fripp, Gilmore, Zappa, Prince, and countless others. This was the response I got from one of the friends

"another jealous amateur, How many records/cd/albums have you made? What record company have you signed with? Oh that's right I forgot you are the music man!"

Somehow, people percieve me as an asshole.

You knew what you were doing
When he asked you, you said "ok"
You knew what he would do with the picture
But you didn't care
Maybe it was for money
But maybe it was because you wanted to,
And money had nothing to do with it
So you got down on your knees
And sucked his cock better than you ever have before
Because he was holding that camera
You wanted to look like a good whore
You wanted to earn that money
And you smiled for the camera
You may be somebody's daughter
But today you're the slut
In my porn folder
That I jerked off to
Thank you

Tom: Okay, so say me and Sade like, hook up. Do you think she'd watch porn with me?

Satan: I dunno, she doesn't really seem like the type.

Tom: I know. She'd probably think it's disgusting and exploits women.

Satan: But...you don't know that for sure. For all you know Sade could have a large collection of really good porn. She could afford it you know. Hell, she might even finance her own porno movies because she feels that they could be made better, more romantic AND intelligent. Hell, she might love nothing more than firing up a fat spliff, puttin' on some sweet hardcore XXX fuck flicks, and boning her favorite man till the morning sun comes up.

Tom: I...I...love her.

Satan: Yes my son.

I've always liked Sade. Unfortunately, my affection has recently crossed the line into near-obsession: I bought a Sade DVD, concert footage filmed on her last tour. I don't even own a DVD player. As such, I did the only thing I could think of- I sent in a prayer request to Peter Popoff. It went something like this:

Dear Rev. Popoff:

I am obsessed with the singer Sade. Lately I have been having impure thoughts about her everywhere I go: at work, at home, in my sister's room, etc. I don't know what to do. Her beauty and sensual voice have caused me to stray from God's path. I pray that with your help I can find it again.

Thank you,
Tom Amans

I'm really, really hoping for a response.

Today I pulled project lead aside and decided to make a point about my meager raise. I told him that I was brought onto this project to be a programmer, but that I was also coordinating the power outlets, rearranging the test area, and all sorts of other stuff that isn't part of my job but someone elses job who gets more money than me. Also, I wanted him to know that if I am successful, the other guy will get equal props as me and a pat on the back when I did the brunt of the work. Basically, I'm underpaid for a Master's student, underappreciated, and my work is trivialized while others get glorified.

After saying all this, it dawned on me... he really didn't give a shit.

I don't know if limericks are passe or not, but then again I really don't care. I wrote mine about HIGH SCHOOL.

I thought about high school today
what it took to make the grade.
Well things sure have changed
since school bells last clanged
and forced ME to sit well behaved

They cut the budget to start,
cut Music, Dance and then Art.
Home Ec got the chop,
they even cut Shop!
Saved cash, but are the kids smart?

High school is college prep now
You need ivy-league know how.
Just look at me
(a college degree)
but can't get a job in this town.

I feel so free, when did I lose sight?
I am happy to work ten hours a day
I love my wife and our future together
Finally everything is making sense

I knew what I wanted three years ago
A quiet life, working every day
A woman to share my day with
I had it for fourteen months

Two years of darkness came over our lives
Our weeks became long, stretching out forever
Even planning a marriage was a chore
But the worst was yet to come

A semester here, a second job there
My favorite band just broke up
I was too busy to masturbate
Both of us too tired to sooth each other

But now everything is winding down
Things are changing every day
Back to the way things were
I never want to go to school again

This morning my ex sent me an email
telling me that she's not going to talk to me anymore
it's too painful to be friends
so she's going to sever all ties
because she has some serious healing to do

I read the email at work
and later on that day
I took a break and went walking
walking through the hot summer air
it's funny how heat becomes a part of your existence
like a person following you around, all the time, always there
but anyways-

I was headed back to work when I passed a row of trees
They were tall and relatively thin
their branches were covered in small leaves
that were green on one side
and dull-gray-brownish green on the other
as I walked by the wind picked up
the branches on the trees gently swayed
and the leaves began to spin, twisting around
the trees were close enough together to form one continuous stretch of leaves
it reminded me of snowy static on television
that moved in time with the wind

and I thought to myself
if I hadn't broken up with her
I might not have seen that
I wonder what else I've been missing

I think I've been spending too much time on literotica. It's only a matter of time before I submit something. Thank you Tony, you opened up a whole new world for me.

So, who here is voting for McBaine for Governor? How about Gary Coleman? Did Gallagher get all his signatures in on time? Will Larry Flynt be able to get a state budget passed and will he change our state flag to have that beaver in the center? WHO WILL LEAD US? I think we need to come to terms with California holding the official title of being the stupidest state ever. I can't wait to hear the campaign slogans. The Governator. What choo talkin bout energy crisis? Smashed, and sinking! Ask not what your state can do for you, but who in the state you can do.
Taxpayers unite! Vote now before Fox makes it all into a reality show called Joe Governor.

All things must pass
Sometimes life is not lived in the present
Things will always be better in the future
For no one knows what the future is
Poor servants excuse their pitiful lives
In the hope their death will finally bring them happines
Sitting on the right side of God
Watching their king feel the pain they know so well
The first will be last and the last will be first
But that's all bullshit
Live is lived in each passing moment
Your life is only what you make of it
A wealthy man can be poor
A strong man can be weak
A smart man can be stupid
We must deal with only what we choose to accept
Our limitations are only self-imposed
Our lives are lived in the present
Tomorrow is just an excuse

Why isn't the website up? Here's why the website isn't up:


From: "Host Department"
To: "Tom"
Subject: Transcript of your chat
Date: Tue, 5 Aug 2003 20:08:28 -0400


The following is a record of your online chat.
General Info
Chat start time Aug 5, 2003 7:39:00 PM EST
Chat end time Aug 5, 2003 8:06:26 PM EST
Duration (actual chatting time) 00:27:26
Operator David

Chat Transcript
info: While waiting you might want to review our Knowledge Base. If you are having problem with your mail service, please view our mail service update here. Thank you for your patience.

info: You are now chatting with 'David'

David: Welcome to HostDepartment Live Chat Service. How may I help you?

Tom: Hello David. I spoke to Isaac yesterday about changing my name servers and getting a logon name and password in order to
access my domain name control panel. I emailed the people he told me to but no one got back to me. Can you help me?

David: We are apologize.. the DNR control panel is still cannot functioning correctly..
David: please try again tomorrow..

Tom: Oh i see. Well, can change my name servers?
Tom: I'm sorry, who can change my name servers?

David: If the DNR is come back fine. you will able to manage Name server

Tom: And if it doesn't, then I'm not fine David. I need to change my name servers as soon as possible and I don't have time to wait and see if the control panel is working properly. Do you know who can help me accomplish this?

David: DNR should be back tomorrow.. Sir

Tom: I was kind of looking for a "yes" or a "no" Dave...

David: I afraid i cannot give you an absolute answer since there are no notification from our admin

Tom: You don't have to be afraid David, I'm not mad at you. I'm just trying to find the right person to get in contact with.

David: Sir I'm sorry. My shift time has ended, you may try to log back in live chat again in a couple minutes. My friend will replace me

Tom: have a good nite

David: thanks..
David: Thank you for your cooperation & understanding.

Tom: why thank you
Tom: i don't mean to be a bitch
Tom: but my balls are in a bit of a vice here, you know?

info: Chat session has ended.

WILL DOMINIC STOP PISSING TOM OFF TODAY? PROBABLY NOT!

WILL TOM TURN EBAY INTO THE NEXT AUDIOGALAXY? TUNE IN NEXT TIME! (bitch)

Less than a month on eBay and I'm already making friends

Start from the bottom and go up. Sorry.



--- lora@ourhutch.com wrote:

being honest and being mean are two different things. Its not my
fault if you cant handle hearing the truth. I don't need to forgive
myself for any stupidities, because the only stupid thing Ive ever
done was to email you in the first place. Its a stupid auction. Thats
a fact, not meanness. Forgiving is not necessary, because I will have
forgotten you by morning.


On 4 Aug 2003 at 14:20, tom amans wrote:

you might try shifting your focus from other people's stupidities onto your own. i don't mean that in any derogatory sense; in fact i personally wouldn't call any persons' shortcomings "stupidities", but that's a different discussion entirely. i'm guessing of course, but here are few you might try to rid yourself of first:

1. Being mean to strangers, me in particular. I did nothing to deserve your misplaced wrath.
2. Try not to let "stupid" people affect your personality so much. That's giving them control over your life, something I don't feel "stupid" people deserve. Stupidity may be the most plentiful element in the universe, but I don't think that means one has to revel in it.
3. Forgive yourself of your own "stupidities" and the "stupidities" other people have inflicted upon you. Allow yourself and others a few stupidities. I find it makes life a bit more tolerable.

I'm sure I'm telling you things you already know or
have heard before, but whatever.

--- lora@ourhutch.com wrote:

Yep, I agree about the attitude. Its because Ive known too many stupid people.

On 4 Aug 2003 at 13:55, tom amans wrote:

but you do agree with me about the bad attitude? you know, you don't seem very happy OR hippy. that's kinda false advertising.

--- lora@ourhutch.com wrote:
little boys with sideburns and stupid poses arent my thing, but Im sure someone will want you some day.

On 4 Aug 2003 at 13:49, tom amans wrote:

You understand that you are hopelessly attracted to my boyish good looks as well as my awesome sense of humor? Well, you're not the first. How about a picture of you? I like chicks with bad attitudes.

--- lora@ourhutch.com wrote:

Nevermind. I saw your picture in your other auctions, and now I understand.


On 4 Aug 2003 at 13:02, tom amans wrote:

Yet somehow not quite as moronic as one who takes time out of their busy, meaningful life to ask stupid questions. Thank you and please, go to hell.

Sincerely,
Tom Amans

--- lora@ourhutch.com wrote:

Ok, that's what I thought. Only a complete moron would bid. One almost as moronic as the one that paid to list it in the first place. thanks.

On 4 Aug 2003 at 10:05, tom amans wrote:

Of course not. If you bid, the picture you receive also includes my warmest wishes for your good health, long life, and continued virility.

Thank you,
Tom Amans

--- happyhippy@ourhutch.com wrote:
Hi,

I saw your auction for the dead cat and I am confused. If I bid, will I get the same picture I can save from your auction?

Thank you.
--------------------

Question from: happy*hippy
Title of item: Dead cat, pule, detritus, carrion, feline
Seller: crotchetyneville
Starts: Aug-01-03
17:10:13 PDT
Ends: Aug-11-03
17:10:13 PDT
Price: Starts at $0.75
To view the item, go to:
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2943875013

Yesterday afternoon I went to see "Lara Croft: Tombraider - Cradle of Life" with my wife and in-laws. I had read on www.mrcranky.com that this movie was truly horrible (it got the nuclear bomb rating: "Proof that Jesus died in vain"). I left the theatre with a depression that was deep and seemingly endless. The movie was pretty bad, but it certainly wasn't what had really upset me.

Before the show, there was "The 20" which comes on in the theatre 20 minutes before the previews and is basically advertisements. The one sanctity of the movie theatre was that it was not TV... it did not advertise for anything except other movies (i.e. previews). This too, I can deal with.

What ruined me was "Lid rock". "Lid rock" is a CD that is included with the purchase of a large beverage that contains "the lastest of up-and-coming pop stars". I came to find out that "Lid rock" has the new music videos of Jessica Simpson and Mandy Moore, the actress. It was then that it hit me... I will never, ever, be a part of popular culture. Not that I don't want to or that I hate it, it's just that I will never be a titless 18 year old hottie singing about love. All of my musical talent and endevours, all lay to waste compared to this young actress. I thought "I would be so lucky if I ever got as far as this chick got without trying... without even being a musician."

"Lid rock" turned out to be a metaphor for the entire movie-going experience. The movie was horrible as expected. It didn't stop it from being a multi-million dollar profit for the movie industry though, just like Star Wars and Die Another Day (Bond). When did popular culture start to embrace crap? Looking back on the 1980's, the musicians were doing quite a bit of interesting things like polyphony, polyrythem, and even mainstreaming rap. What do we have to show for our generation? Limp Bizkit? An American Idol Kelly Clarkson? When did pop culture stop demanding quality talent in exchange for attractive 16 year olds? When will this world ever make any fucking sense to me?

ECO-TERROR AT THE WORKPLACE

I live in a modern society. I face up to that on a day to day basis. I personaly choose to go on living in this world and accept what I must do to survive and try my hardest to not offend people as I live my life. I have to work to pay for food and shelter and to get to and from shelter to work. These are not what I would rather do with my time but they are neccecities for existing in the society presented in front of me so I readilly accept them. Today I arrived at work and was immediately told the news.

A 200 unit appartment building was being built on the property next to my building. For months I have watched the progress as a grading was started, a foundation poured, a crane erected, floor built upon floor and finally last week a roof was semi-completed. Many people built this apartment and someday people were to move into it and call it home. Today at 3 am an eco-terrorist group placed a sign that said IF YOU BUILD IT, WE WILL BURN IT on it and lit it on fire. It sent 100 foot flames in the air and toppled the crane that helped build it.

Ok, I love the environment, I think nature is a really great thing. HOWEVER if you are concerned about the environment why did you burn down a building out of already felled timber and previously mined concrete and steel? This sent thick acrid smoke and fire all over this area. People in the adjacent apartments had their miniblinds MELT. You stupid fucks could have killed normal people who were just trying to exist and sleep in their homes, you put many out of work for who knows how long (lord knows it isn't easy being unemployed in San Diego) and you stupid godamn sonsabitches sent every kind of polution into the air. All this and you didn't stop SHIT, just hurt people. FUCK YOU ECO-TERROR! If you wanted to do good, raise money to buy the land and make a preserve. WOW that could actually DO SOMETHING!!! Lobby for SOLAR power! Work with the system and get people to vote. UNITE US! Use your ideas to positively influence others, that would have done some good. Instead you took the cheap and shocking way out. Now why did you destroy homes? Is San Diego too populated for you? Hell, I can't find a god damn place to live and start a family with the woman I love. I got some news for you IT IS A FUCKING CITY and cities have people. People who need to live and work and make art and love who they love, but apparently you want to destoy that. Well fuck you! You know what you can burn? Yourselves. I just wish to live and love.