Tom: Hi there.

Satan: Hi.

Tom: How ya doin buddy?

Satan: Oh pretty good.

Tom: Been keeping yourself occupied all this time?

Satan: Very funny.

Tom: Why?

Satan: You know the the word "time" means nothing to me.

Tom: Jesus Christ, you diabolical screwhead, I'm just making conversation.

Satan: Oh, just can it you twinky, and tell me what's on your mind.

Tom: Nothing really. I just read an excellent biography of William James Sidis by Amy Wallace called "The Prodigy". It's totally renewed my interest in intellectual pursuits.

Satan: Are you saying you've been on an intellectual hiatus?

Tom: Of course not. It's just that now, since I've graduated, I've got more time to devote to, well, whatever I want. I picked up an Arabic grammar book, "501 Spanish Verbs", and two Mensa puzzle books.

Satan: Mensa puzzle books? You know you'll eventually get bored with those puzzle books and take them back without having read more than a few pages of either of them, and you'll feel like a failure.

Tom: But I want to get in to Mensa.

Satan: Why on earth would you waste time doing that?

Tom: Well, partly for the possibility of meeting other pretentious intellectuals, but mostly just to piss Ray off. I mean, once you're in, you're in for life. You pay your dues and they give you a smart card. I'd love to be able to whip that baby out in an argument and shut everyone up.

Satan: You know it's all a scam, right?

Tom: What do you mean?

Satan: The whole Mensa thing. Let's put it into context: A group of people get together and say, "We're going to start a smart club." Who wouldn't want to be in a smart club? And who determines who's smart enough to be in their little club? They do. Right there, they've got you. Either you pass their little entrance exam and conform to the intellectual herd, or you take a stand and say "I know that intelligence is too varied a thing to be measured with standardized tests, nor does any existing intelligence test measure creativity, emotional maturity, or drive. Therefore I will not subject myself to your club's critique." Either way, you lose.

Tom: You know, I totally agree with you, but I can't shake the sneaking suspicion that if they offered you a membership, you'd join in a heartbeat. Just to get a smart card. Basically you're just jealous cuz they wouldn't let you in. I saw your test results.

Satan: You're so right. And I hate you.

Tom: Just one question: How could the all-knowing Prince of Darkness fail the entrance exam to Mensa?

Satan: I'm not talking to you any more today.