I'm going to visit my dad in August. He recently moved to an island several hundred yards off the coast of North Carolina. My maternal grandparents live on the same island a few miles away.
I would like to see them but I'm bringing my girlfriend, and they're flaming racists. Last night, I sent them this letter:

Grammy & Pop:

Hi there, it's me your grandson Tommy. I hope you guys are doing well, I'm doing pretty good out here. I finished the spring semester with a 3.84 so I'm pretty happy, even though I got one (1) B.

Anyhow, I was writing to let you know that I'm going to be coming out to North Carolina in late August and I would love to see you both. I'm bringing my girlfriend Kelly with me. I've been with her for over a year now and she's by far the nicest female I've ever been with. She is also a beautiful black lady; I wanted to let you both know ahead of time so as not to make anyone uncomfortable. I know she would love to meet my whole family and I can't wait to introduce her, but please let me know if you would rather wait until a later date.

your grandson,
Tommy

I swear I've read about this sort of thing before, but I never thought I'd have to deal with it in real life. I wonder if they know that if they don't get over it, they might not ever see me again. Sorry to be so dramatic.

I haven't told my girlfriend yet. Thank god she doesn't read this blog.