I got a response from my grandparents. It was very concise; thank you for the warning and yes, a visit would be very uncomfortable at this time. Maybe later.

I think racism is an extreme form of displacement. Someone feels so badly about themselves or so completely not in control of their lives that hatred becomes an outlet. How else could someone despise the presence of someone they've never met and disown a family member? I dunno; it hurts more than I thought it would. That's probably why I was avoiding it.

I just want to explain to my grandfather that poon is poon. Black, white, brown- it all feels good. After that, it's all about what's attached to it; can you have a stimulating conversation with it, does it make you laugh, does it still love you after the hard times, when you curse and scream in a drunken fit?