Little Tools and Their Musical Vomit

Tom: This is gonna be an easy one.

Satan: Shoot.

Tom: You know that band that does those freecreditreport.com commercials?

Satan: The Victorious Secrets? Hell yeah, they're some of my favorite minions at the moment. I fucking love those guys. We try on khakis together, give each other testicular papercuts, buy roofie-Jaeger shots for girls in clubs, scorn people who don't dress like us, go to John Mayer concerts... Then, at the end of every night, they all strip down and take turns sucking off my rancid, scaly megacock.

Tom: Well, what should one expect from a band that does jingles for a website owned by the subsidiary of a credit bureau that's been involved in two lawsuits, one of which was brought by the Federal Trade Commission, for deceptive marketing practices? In fact, I think the band itself is just another deceptive marketing practice: it sounds like they're making music to sell you something, but they're really taking a poisonous shit right into your ears. If you, Satan, are the very thing we call evil, and these guys are working for you, then we can rightly call them and their music evil, amirite?

Satan: Sure. Call it whatever you want. But just look at them. See how much respect they get. They make money with their music. So go. Spew your vitriole. Write songs that move you which no one else will hear.

Tom: If it's a choice between that and snorkeling your satancock, you know what I'm going to say.

Satan: Booga booga booga, I'm Tom and I have scruples that keep me poor.

Tom: Blah blah blah, I'm the devil and I suck.

Satan: Shut up.

Tom: No you.