Tom: I wanna smoke and drink and not do work. But I don't think I should do any of those things.

Satan: Well, what do you think I'm gonna say?

Tom: Fuck.

Satan: Alright, let's take 'em one at a time. You shouldn't smoke because it hurts your lungs. You shouldn't drink because then you'll start having fun and won't work. Plus you're going to have drinks tonight too. Too much drinking is rough on your body. And not doing work will fuck you later on.

Tom: Well, don't I get to have ANY fun at all? Every time I look at the stuff I have to do I want to vomit. I feel like a kid throwing a hissy fit.

Satan: Sure. And it's understandable. You've had your nose to the grindstone for 6 months now. But once you finish this session you're done with classes. Just keep plodding forward.

Tom: I feel fat. I hate this lifestyle.

Satan: It's only temporary.

Tom: So should I just pig it up?

Satan: No. You already feel bloated. Just pick and choose your vices.

Tom: But that's extra thinking I don't really want to do.

Satan: Yeah.

Tom: This sucks, doesn't it?

Satan: Not more than most things.

Tom: Is there a failproof system of rewards I can bribe myself with?

Satan: Fuck, just do your work.

Tom: This is the first time you've failed me.

(Pause)

Satan: (Belch)

Tom: Wait, is that SCOTCH I smell?

Satan: YEP! (cough)

Tom: Don't blow cigarette smoke in my face!

Satan: FAK YOU!

Tom: You hypocritical ASSHOLE!

Satan: Haha! Now crack open them books and STUDY, bitch!