Satan: I see you pacing back and forth over there. What's the problem?

Tom: Dude, it's such a stupid problem that I don't even know if I want to talk about it.

Satan: Well you're never going to figure it out by pacing.

Tom: I'm pissed about cleaning up my house. I like things a bit neater than Kendra and our apartment is almost always dirtier than I'd like it to be.

Satan: Have you guys talked about it?

Tom: Yes several times, and I don't feel like a satisfactory compromise has ever been reached.

Satan: If you had your way, what would happen?

Tom: Well for starters Kendra would have cleaned out the catbox like she said she would. This disturbs me because when I was at her parents' house last weekend I saw them ask her to clean up some empty cans in the basement and she seemed to ignore them. It seemed odd to me that they would even ask her that- wait, I don't think they asked, I think they told her.

Satan: And let me guess- you don't want to be a parental figure to her?

Tom: Correct. I just want my apartment to look how it would look if I lived alone. Of course I realize that's impossible, but as I said I don't think a fair compromise has been reached. As it stands, we're both unhappy- I get pissed off about the cleaning, and she's afraid of coming home to find me in a bad mood because of the cleaning.

Satan: I think you need to make it clear to her just how important this is to you.

Tom: It's extremely important to me. I feel like I've lost control over a part of my life, and as I've attempted to address the issue I feel like a bitchy neat freak. I'm afraid of this happening with other issues that arise.

Satan: Well, to be perfectly frank I think you need to be patient and prepared to let things go from time to time, and she needs to decide if this is important enough to make a few changes in her living habits. That's what this boils down to- both of you have to make a few changes. And in the long run these aren't big changes- it's not like you hate the way she dresses or she hates the way you laughs. The things you need to change aren't that big of a deal- changing them is. Even though this may be something you're both willing to change, thus far you're the only one who's made any changes. The nature of this type of quandry dictates that the person who likes it cleaner always loses. That's not fair, so you're upset. And this isn't the sort of thing that gets fixed in a day. What you need to know is that more often than not you're going to come home to a clean house, and she needs to know that you're not going to be suddenly angry with her and make her feel like a slob. But to establish that, I think you guys need to talk this out some more decide how important it is to each of you, lay some ground rules, and stick to them over a period of time.

Tom: Sounds good to me.

Satan: Yeah well it takes two to tango. And Kendra's not going to be up for another hour or two.

Tom: What should I do?

Satan: Eat something, clean the catbox, jerk off, play some video games, and go for a walk. Later, when she's awake and you guys have already talked about other things, bring it up calmly and gently.

Tom: Where's the part where we fuck like crazed weasels?

Satan: Um, I don't think you need any advice about that.

Tom: Ha-ha! Bitch.