Tom: Hey.

Satan: Hey, what's up?

Tom: My living situation sucks and my girlfriend has been tired and stressed out for the past two weeks and I fear that she doesn't want me as much as I want her. And my stepdad has a big tumor in the roof of his mouth. It's taking an enormous emotional toll on him and my mom.

Satan: Well, let's start with the girlfriend. Are you afraid she's not telling you something?

Tom: Sort of. She's a lot quieter than I am in these matters.

Satan: What are you going to do?

Tom: About what?

Satan: Um... the living situation.

Tom: Well, all I can do right now is save up money to move out.

Satan: Are you doing that?

Tom: Yes. Not as much as I'd like.

Satan: You and Kendra are supposed to move out together?

Tom: We're not "supposed" to do anything.

Satan: Sorry. You've been talking about moving out together?

Tom: Yes.

Satan: You know she's really stressed out from school. You remember that, right?

Tom: Yes.

Satan: So your living situation, your love life, and your family's health kinda suck right now.

Tom: Yep.

Satan:

Tom:

Satan: I got nothin'.

Tom: Me neither.

Satan: What would your ideal circumstances be right now?

Tom: Kendra would be refreshed and completely horny for me, so much so that I'd wake up to her molesting me, I'd have a spare thousand dollars in the bank, and my roommate Jonathan will have sold all of the puppies that are keeping me up at night, shrieking because they're locked in a cramped utility closet. Every rotten motherfucker in this town with a bad attitude would disappear, and my stepdad wouldn't have a large tumor in his mouth.

Satan: That's a tall order.

Tom: No shit Sherlock.

Satan: I'll see what I can do.

Tom:

Satan:

Tom: Really?

Satan: Yeah, hold on a sec.

Tom: (waiting)

Satan: Okay. It's a done deal.

Tom: Thank you Satan.

Satan: Any time.