Asking to kiss

Stalkers don't make sense to me. I don't mean the insane ones that wanna kill Jodie Foster's dog or whatever. I mean the stalker guys that almost every girl seems to date at least once. The one who won't let go. The one who shows up to your work. Even the guys at bars who don't leave you alone. Women have the stalker quality to a certain degree but I think the way this society is, it's really up to the males to make total asses of themselves.

But some of us guys don't have to worry about that do we? Sooner or later some chick is gonna come along and utter the magic phrase, "Yeah, okay." What we do then is all a matter of guts and style. Guts because it takes some balls to put yourself on the line, style because you don't wanna make an ass of yourself doing it. And unfortunately it has traditionally fallen to men to make the first move. So...I ask first.

I ask before I kiss someone. Bob thought it was kinda stupid and for a while I did too. Now I'm pretty sure it's the right thing to do, a lot of the time. Why not? Is it dorky? Does it kill the mood? Fuck no. I don't think so. I'll ask the devil.

Tom: Hey Satan?

Satan: Yeah?

Tom: Is it wrong to ask a woman to kiss you?

Satan: Who, like your mom or just some random stranger?

Tom: Well I was thinking more along the lines of someone you're on a date with. I think that, if you've been paying any attention at all, after a few hours you can tell if she wants to make out.

Satan: Well shit yeah. If she doesn't no sense convincing yourself she does. You gotta leave a little room for her to chase you too. But you'll know if the vibe is there. If you've got you're arm around her, hand in her...

Tom: But would it be okay to ask?

Satan: I don't think there's any 100% fool-proof way to do it. I mean after all you are invading someone's space, and that first one is kinda tough sometimes, so I'd say yeah go ahead and ask if you feel like it. If the chick is really cool it ain't gonna matter anyways.

Tom: What would you do?

Satan: Come on bitch, you know the muthafuckin' Lord of the Underworld ain't gotta ask for shit.

Tom: You know with Jesus being all the rage now, I can see an inevitable backlash in the making and you need to be there to capitalize on it. I already have your tagline.

Satan: What is it! What is it!

Tom: "What Would Satan Do?"

Satan: You make me proud, my son.

Tom: "Lord of the Underworld ain't gotta ask for shit!"

Satan: Enough.