---

Apparently even sooner than I thought.

I go to Souplantation almost every day for lunch. The company I work for has a deal with them so I get to eat a lot of salad and foccacia for only $6.47. Many of the people who work there know my first name. I speak broken Spanish to the Mexican employees. They seem to appreciate it.

The place was rather crowded today so after I filled my tray with Oriental Chicken Salad I headed for a seat outside. I put my tray on an empty table and went back in to get a few slices of garlic foccacia. When I came out I found that my tray had been moved to another table and in its place were the trays of two overweight middle-aged white women.

I pondered the situation for a moment, sat down, and pondered some more. Had I really put my tray down at that table? Had I merely contemplated putting my tray down at that table? Was it possible that they weren't the ones who had moved my tray? Of course not. Just look at them. I know the type...aging, unhappy, no eye contact with anyone around them, hushed voices, furtive, dishonest glances from side to side in between hurried mouthfuls of dead lettuce. Later on they will submit to a drunken sex act performed by their braindead, corporate-owned husbands. WHO THE FUCK DO THEY THINK THEY ARE?

I felt that I should say something. Not in an attempt to change them or as some sort of disciplinary action. I just wanted them to know that I KNEW what they had done and that they should think about me before ever doing something like that again. I've yelled at old ladies before; I could do it again. But then something in me broke. I knew confronting them directly would not be the right thing to do. When all else is said and done, I really didn't want to add to their misery. So I opened my book, Cosmic Trigger II, and began to eat. It could have ended there, but it didn't.

After a few bites of salad I got up and walked back into the restaurant. I grabbed a soupbowl and filled it with clam chowder, smiling at the lady behind the counter as I did so. "Mucha gente hoy," I said to her. "Si, y ahora hay uno mas", she replied. I smiled at her again and walked back outside. As I passed the table, my table, where the two older ladies were sitting, I paused and exhaled a loud, pungent fart.

After a minor uproar they left and I got my seat back.

---

Apparently it's on. Excellent. Melodrama is sure to follow.

---

Hello again. Just trying to get this thing to work while avoiding detection here at the office. I've already said too much.